Memories Can’t Wait.

Why is waiting so difficult?It seems like such a simple task. We all do it everyday. Lines at the store, your friend to go out for the night, that person you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with, death: we all wait for them. But for me it can seem so overwhelming.I’m not very good at waiting. I’m impatient. I don’t really know how to handle my time. The lulls in my life seem like abysmal pits. I feel like I’m waiting for my life to really start. I’m 21. How has that not happened? This is my life…why don’t I take it by the horns and make some excitement? Because I’m waiting.I think part of my youth still doesn’t understand the wait. I guess we need waiting for context of those moments that are just the epitomes of “arriving,” that is to say that we have made it to that moment we were waiting for. But damn it really sucks.I want to hold the one I love, have a mojito, have some sweet music lavishing the sun on my face, feel the sand in my toes, the wind through my hair, holding in the laughter from seeing a puppy splashing in the ocean. I live for those moments. I haven’t had one of those moments in awhile. I know it’s about me going and finding those moments. If you’re tired of waiting then you wouldn’t wait, would you? Well…honestly…I’m as close to that moment as I have ever been in my life. So why am I so scared?

( first two artworks done by myself)

Smileeeeeeee

Today was a refreshing day. Thank Jeebus. I went and saw Lucie on an impulsory need to do SOMETHING with SOMEONE. And Lucie, I always forget will always be one of my best friends. She makes me laugh, makes total sense, has a good head on her shoulders, is beautiful inside and out, smart as hell, and someone to be inspired by. She did my hurr. Semi-perm red brown. Looks hella cute. I’m excited to show it off on my trip up to SF/Eureka starting this weekend. I can’t believe it’s almost my 21st. SO excited!Love ya, girl.& this is just too awesome.

 

EDIT: & on a very, very sadder note, I found out that a girl on my trip to Spain tragically passed away this week. I wasn’t close with her and don’t even think we shared a conversation together. I still feel the shock of her untimely death. Looking at her Facebook I saw how much people love her and are going to miss her. Is it bad that I put myself in her shoes, and wondered: what if I passed away tomorrow? It stings me in the heart in that I don’t think the reaction would be at all equal. I know some people would miss me, but I don’t think people would rally around it like Nadyne. Am I memorable? More so, am I memorable in a good way? A lasting way? I know it’s kind of selfish for me to be thinking these things. But with humanity, there is death, and so much doubt about it. Doubt about the life you are leaving behind, and doubt about what’s to come for you once you’ve passed. I really do hope there is some spiritual place where Nadyne’s soul is now, comfortable and happy. & since this post is titled: SMILE, I do want to say that the positive thing about this is that all these people are able to hold and love each other, just as I know Nadyne did during her life. May you rest well amiga.

A Dream Deferred

I’ve gotten into my childhood routine recently of watching Spongebob every morning. And yesterday I came to the sudden epiphany that one my dream jobs would be to write for that show or write comedy. To most people, I’m kind of quiet and pretty serious. But with those I love the most I’m just silly and ridiculous. My humor is absurd, and I think it matches that of Spongebob pretty well (maybe it is because I grew up watching so much of it). I love those hidden jokes, the ones that you don’t usually catch the first time. That’s the kind of humor I appreciate. I find comedians today so rash, rude, and constantly over-critical.  Snappy, witty, unexpected punches are the best. So I’m going to post one of my favorite comic strips of all time from one of my favorite comics:

I don’t think I ever developed this appreciation I had until recently. I think you have to be pretty talented to write comedy, and I wouldn’t call myself a natural comedian. But hey, I can dream right?

I think that dreams and aspirations are so important, especially when you’re young. I remember in high school English reading “A Dream Deferred” by Huges. What does it mean of my dream to be a comedic writer? Is it “syrupy sweet”? I feel like most of my dreams are sort of “deferred.” Why don’t we just act upon them? Why don’t we just do them? What is that thing that keeps us from them? Western people have this expectation reiterated in all forms of media to “fit in society” by wearing the right thing, saying the right thing, getting a respectable job, being responsible. But at the same time everybody is supposed to be make irresponsible choices and be interesting and adventurous and spontaneous. How in the hell is that possible? If I could chose I would throw that first part away and just be irresponsible. But I can’t do that.

Why? I don’t get it? Where does this binder come from? Is it judgement? I admit I occasionally watch Jersey Shore. These are people who are living their dreams, as insane as a dream some of us might judge it to be. We constantly are ripping their choices apart: Who the hell does Snooki think she is? Maybe she’s just a girl who’s simply do whatever the fuck she wants and she doesn’t give a shit what you say. WHY CAN’T I DO THAT? Is it because I’m “a good girl?”

What is your dream? Is it deferred? Is it a job? A trip? What’s stopping you from going? Is it odd to suggest that most people would say money?